Monday, March 10, 2008

I truly do not know how I could be any more miserable than I am right about now. I have given sick people a wide berth all winter in an effort to avoid all of the creeping plague that is going around. Today I became one of those people that I cuss about all of the time - you know the type - the hero who has a huge red dripping nose, but feels he/she must go out anyway and infect half of the civilized world with whatever is sneezing/coughing/running out of said nose.

I swear to God I avoid my own grandkids when their little noses are running, and my aging father when he is coughing and hacking. I always advise them to get the best medical care possible, and I have even been known to leave little care packages outside of their doors, but avoid I do. So, how the hell did I get punked here????

Here's how it goes, you are invited by a loving family member to come and visit, have a nice dinner, stay the night. Your germ radar doesn't detect any snuffling, stuffy noses, or untoward hacking, so you figure, "Great! It's a good time for some family bonding."

Upon arrival it is evident that some family member is a "little off". Oh, it's nothing contagious, you are assured - just a sinus infection. You eye the peaked relative with suspicion and you keep your distance, but lo and behold just a few days later ZAPPO!! The cold germies have landed in your nostrils, and before long it is full-fledged snotty warfare.

In my case, I have to be the most miserable looking cold victim you would ever want to see. My eyes are red and tearing, my nose is swollen, and all of the skin around it is red and peeling, my lips are parched, my tongue is thick and at times I sneeze so hard and so often it is difficult to maintain my equilibrium. I am thoroughly pissed to be feeling this way, and just when I think I would love to pummel the person who gave me this, I get visions of the most adorable baby girl anyone would ever want to hold and love, and the graying old guy that I love so dearly. How can you fault either of those two?? It had to be one of 'em!!

Oh, well in about a week, my nose should get back to its normal color and my mucous membranes will shrink down from the size of a king-sized mattress. My eyes will turn from red back to white, and this will all be a distant memory. In the meantime, I'll keep pushing the liquids, vitamins, and nasal swabs of zinc. Times like this, I wish I were a drinking woman!!