Week two of life now that I know my birth son. The first week of this wonderful adventure has been akin to the euphoria one feels after giving birth to a newborn baby. This son is a newborn 35 year old to me. I find myself investigating his face to see whose eyes he has, whose nose, whose mouth, all of it. And on it goes. He'll be very lucky if his aunts don't make him take off his shoes so they can see whose feet he has. I do know he has his birth dad's dimples and a very nice combination of both of my brothers in the eyes and mouth and hair growth. He is a kind person, I can tell that and considerate. What a treat for a birth mom to find her son and share so many similarities with him. It is so easy to know him. I know now that even though we were separated physically, our souls were linked always. I feel at ease for the first time in 35 years.

I know that although I have all of these maternal feelings toward my son, he probably doesn't even want all that much mothering at this stage in his life, so I restrain myself from fussing over him and "smothering" him. I will just treasure the times we can have with each other as time goes by, and I am grateful that we are both young and healthy and have lots of time to spend enjoying our unique connection.

I also realize that I have an almost neurotic desire to know where he is from now on, because I don't want to lose him again. I've spent too long looking for him. I also know that I will always let him know where I am, because I don't want him to ever wonder where I am either. We both spent too much time looking for each other, to lose track of each other ever again.

The last 36 hours have been amazing. Not only have I gotten well acquainted with my son, but my oldest son and I have met with him and his wife Brook. My stomach was doing flip-flops on my way over there, but it also felt like the most right thing I have done in a long time. I got there early and couldn't even sit down waiting for them to arrive. They arrived a few minutes later, and I think I just giggled at the sight of him. I felt completely filled with and overtaken by joy. It was the kind of shock you feel when someone tells you you have just won the lottery. That moment - the moment of first laying eyes on his dear face stayed with me all through the night - every time I woke up (which was several times I might add).

The first order of business was my ability to look at Jon's baby pictures. He was a beautiful child - perfect in every way. It was therapeutic in so many ways to be able to look at those pictures and linger on each one, imagining what it must have been like to spend those days and years with him.

The next pictures were of him, his pretty wife Brook and daughter Nadija. I was so grateful that they brought those. Some day I will have to have them come to my Lakes House so I can let them look through the numerous bins, boxes and albums of pictures that I have there.

Yesterday goes down as one of the best days I have ever spent. I was thrilled and gratified that my sons liked each other instantly and today when I look at the pictures, Jon looks like the perfect younger brother to Brett, and the three of us look very much alike in many ways. I only wished my daughter, their sister Charisse could have been there in that picture too. We will have to have that happen soon.

I enjoyed meeting Brook. She is one of the most open, true, caring people I have ever met. She obviously loves Jon and cares about him deeply. She was fun to talk to, and is intelligent and witty too. I look forward to trading writing stories with her in the future.

I am excited to meet Nadija. She is a gorgeous brown-eyed girl with the a cute porcelain doll face. I hear she is already blessed with 4 grandmas and I get to be one more. Lucky me!

And today was fun again talking to Jon off and on about his medical history and complaints that are identical to mine. I was able to give him some tips that I have gleaned over the years, thanks to advice from Frank (my M.D. husband) and lots of trial and error. Besides medical history, we share taste in music and movies. I just can't get enough of learning about him little by little.

All of this and working on an audit for the State of Minnesota Department of Revenue. Speaking of that...Back to work for now.

What has transpired in my life in the past 35 years? I have gone from being a frightened 20 year old girl to a self assured, educated, very content 56 year old woman. I have a degree in Psychology and a Law Degree. I went to law school because I decided I should have a grown up profession. Once I got there, I felt like the proverbial square peg who was trying to fit into a round hole. I was able to fit by being pounded continuously by a mallet, but once I got away from there I resumed my former shape, and thusfar haven't practiced much law. I did serve as a prosecutor on an Indian reservation near where I grew up for a summer, and an appellate judge at the reservation where I am an enrolled member. I rather like being a judge, but I haven't pursued that either. I have taken tons of training in mediation, which is an alternative dispute resolution method that more suits my personality. It is a win-win process. Someday, I may do more with that. However I do enjoy Intellectual Property law - especially Trademark law - imagine being Harry Potter's lawyer! That would be a dream come true for me.

I have always loved writing and have done a lot of it from time to time. I have had a poem published, although I don't fancy myself a poet. I have folders and folders of pieces I've written that I haven't submitted anywhere. I bore the family with my long posts to our family bulletin board. I have a few books that I have started and not finished. Writing is my first love. Psychology is my second, as far as interests go. I love music - all kinds - and surround myself with it every day.

I have spent the majority of the past several years taking care of our legal matters, keeping our finances, keeping our house, being a mom and a grandma. I believe I was born to be a grandma - that is what I do best. I think I am not a bad mom, but I am always learning in that department. I always try to "be there" for my loved ones. I guess that is all any of us can do for each other.

I had the one son at the age of 17. He is now 39 and is doing very well, living in St. Paul, MN - married with two children. He is intelligent, funny, handsome, loving, gentle, but very savvy with people. At age 25 I had a daughter, who is now going to be 32 in October. She is living on a farm in Angus, MN with her husband and son. She is expecting a little baby girl the end of June this year. She has a degree in Speech Pathology, and is artistic, logical, musical,a darned good photographer and most of all, a great mom.

Presently I am working with my husband setting up an Integrative Medicine Clinic. His medical practice keeps both of us busy - keeping him current on licensing, certifications, and education. He is presently working in Emergency Medicine, but by fall 2006 we are hoping to be up and running in the new clinic.

My favorite travel spot is Disney World. It is a great place to go with family. We have a time share there that we all enjoy often - a few times a year. I also love the beach at the Gulf of Mexico. We have a house in Lakes Country Minnesota. It is in town, and not on a lake, but it is quiet, simple and a great get-away. We garden there, eat fresh vegetables, raise flowers and let our two little schnauzers run around. Someday we plan to sell it and get an actual cabin on one of the nearby lakes.

So that is my life as it is now in a nutshell. When I got pregnant at an early age, my dad was worried that I had ruined my chances to have any education or success in life. I promised him that wouldn't be the case. As a young woman it was my goal to live up to that promise. Sometimes I went overboard in the wrong direction (law school), but even that served me well. I still entertain the notion of taking the Bar Exam and actually setting up a practice. Maybe I'll do it when I get older and a bit bored.