I had a simply delightful Memorial Day weekend, even if I worked a lot. I'm doing some freelance work for a major financial mag and it involves interviewing a lot of mult-millionaires and writing their profiles. It is time consuming, satisfying, interesting and utterly exhausting. I had my plans made for a long weekend of working and eating little frozen and microwaved bites from the freezer. On Thursday I started wondering what the grandkids were going to be doing for the holiday weekend. I was especially wondering about that little brown eyed girl who lives in the same city as I do. When her mom called early Thursday evening, I was glad to hear she was wondering what I was gonna be doing as well.

I drove over and got her that very evening. Plans were for her to hang with me over the entire weekend, so her mom could get lots done. That was fine with me. This kid is one of the easiest kids ever to have in the house, even when you are working. She is literally never bored and if she has a moment when boredom might sneak in, she grabs a pencil and starts drawing and creating. In one of those moments I saw her working madly over on her little table and not too long after that, she handed me a greeting card that was colored with her scented crayons. When I opened it, it said in big letters I Love you!! Those words will melt a grandma's heart completely. I feel even more blessed that this particular little grandkiddy didn't even know me until two years ago.

We watched lots of movies this weekend. I introduced her to the delights of the original Parent Trap. She loved it completely. I couldn't believe the physical violence in that version. It seemed like nothing when it was first released, but now it would be politically incorrect in so many ways. The other movies we enjoyed together were Swiss Family Robinson and Pollyanna. I think I've got me a fellow Hayley Mills fan going in this girl. She also liked my stories of wanting to go to summer camp after seeing Parent Trap as a young girl, and actually getting to go to a very similar camp. To my amazement when I got there, I met a set of tall slender red-headed twins named Collette and Colleen. I was living it that year. My dream had come true! Now she wants to go to summer camp. There's got to be a great summer camp like that somewhere for her. I'll be checking.
On the way to school she started singing the song from that movie, to my utter delight. That used to be my favorite song!!

Last night when I was getting her moving in the direction of her room, she started batting those big brown eyes at me and asking if maybe please couldn't she finish watching her movie in bed. It wasn't all that late yet so I said, "Well, you know I'm just an old softie and when you ask me like that, you know I'm going to say yes." To that she replied, "You're not old! You're young...ish"! I guess being young...ish is better than being old, huh?

Mother's Day will soon be upon us. Every year on Mother's Day a lot of moms stop to think about their children and also the job they did as a mother. Some moms think if they don't hear from their kids on that holiest of days in motherdom that they did a bad job. I myself have wondered that in past years when I don't hear from my kids on Mother's Day. I go back through the years and put myself through the most brutal of analysis. How was I when they were little and sick and needing their mom? For two of them I was not bad on that account. I sat up with them when they were sick. I literally slept on the foot of their beds. I watched their every breath and felt their heads way too often to see if they were too hot or too cold. When they suffered, I suffered.

I can't help at times like that to think of the little one I didn't get to be there for. My heart still aches that I couldn't have been there to bandage his skinned knees, and kiss his hurts to make them better. I know we have each other now and I can be there for him when he wants me to be. I do take comfort in knowing the wonderful woman who was his mommy. She is a gentle soul who I know was there for him during those times. I look at pictures of all of them from his childhood times, and I see the love they all had and have for each other. Pictures where he is lovingly being held and shown things in his environment like a piano or a painting on the wall. Funny how he turned into an artist and musician and he was showing interest in those things as a baby. Bravo for those two wonderful people who did and do give him unconditional love. In some ways he is doubly blessed, because now he has two moms who not only fuss over him, but love him unconditionally. And he has a dad who sees him as a best friend, and a quasi-step dad who thinks the world of him.

As for the two kids I got to raise, I guess I feel I have always been there for them. I have been too hard on them sometimes, expecting them to be the best that they could be. We did a pretty good job with them though. They are good people, productive, smart - wonderful adult people who love their spouses and are conscientious loving parents. At the end of the day, I rest easy with the people they have become, even if there are a few niggling feelings of remorse for the times when I was less than a perfect mom.

Why is it you only figure these things out when it is all in the past and you can't do it over? I know! Because it then qualifies you to be a grandparent!! I don't have many regrets in that department at all. Thank God!

A few days ago as I was working at my computer next to the open patio door, I heard some sounds that literally made my heart sing. I heard children playing below - laughing and scurrying about. I heard the call of the mourning dove. The mourning dove is my very favorite bird, and the call of this bird brings me back to peaceful innocent days of sitting in my parents back yard in North Dakota. I can smell and taste the freshness of the air in those days. I can hear the sound of the town stretching and yawning and waking to a new day. Life was rife with possibility, and it pleasures my soul to realize that today my days feel just as filled with possibility.

There is no better feeling than first stepping across the thresh hold to a brand new spring. We are again entering into that magical time of year when all of nature is stretching, yawning and coming back to life. The sleep of winter is rapidly coming to an end and everything is abuzz. The trees are budding, grass is turning green, and the birds are coming back. It is the season of the year when enthusiasm swells and thoughts of the garden fill one's head. What fresh veggies and gorgeous flowers will we bring to life this year? How shall we arrange them? Is this the year we finally put in those lilac bushes? Maybe we should plant some fruit trees! What new things can we do to make the yard more family friendly? The possibilities are endless, and I can't wait for the first day when we can dig into that rich earth and get things going.

In the meantime, here is something for you to listen to, as you dream of spring. Just click on the link on the upper right hand side of this page. Go ahead, it is worth the effort (hint: you may have to click the play button twice, but this is a safe site it comes from, so enjoy).

I truly do not know how I could be any more miserable than I am right about now. I have given sick people a wide berth all winter in an effort to avoid all of the creeping plague that is going around. Today I became one of those people that I cuss about all of the time - you know the type - the hero who has a huge red dripping nose, but feels he/she must go out anyway and infect half of the civilized world with whatever is sneezing/coughing/running out of said nose.

I swear to God I avoid my own grandkids when their little noses are running, and my aging father when he is coughing and hacking. I always advise them to get the best medical care possible, and I have even been known to leave little care packages outside of their doors, but avoid I do. So, how the hell did I get punked here????

Here's how it goes, you are invited by a loving family member to come and visit, have a nice dinner, stay the night. Your germ radar doesn't detect any snuffling, stuffy noses, or untoward hacking, so you figure, "Great! It's a good time for some family bonding."

Upon arrival it is evident that some family member is a "little off". Oh, it's nothing contagious, you are assured - just a sinus infection. You eye the peaked relative with suspicion and you keep your distance, but lo and behold just a few days later ZAPPO!! The cold germies have landed in your nostrils, and before long it is full-fledged snotty warfare.

In my case, I have to be the most miserable looking cold victim you would ever want to see. My eyes are red and tearing, my nose is swollen, and all of the skin around it is red and peeling, my lips are parched, my tongue is thick and at times I sneeze so hard and so often it is difficult to maintain my equilibrium. I am thoroughly pissed to be feeling this way, and just when I think I would love to pummel the person who gave me this, I get visions of the most adorable baby girl anyone would ever want to hold and love, and the graying old guy that I love so dearly. How can you fault either of those two?? It had to be one of 'em!!

Oh, well in about a week, my nose should get back to its normal color and my mucous membranes will shrink down from the size of a king-sized mattress. My eyes will turn from red back to white, and this will all be a distant memory. In the meantime, I'll keep pushing the liquids, vitamins, and nasal swabs of zinc. Times like this, I wish I were a drinking woman!!

Has anyone seen that trailer for the Steve Carrel movie Get Smart? There is a scene where he is in a phone booth and can't get out. He keeps pushing and pushing and looking more and more frustrated. When we saw that, I turned to Frank and said, "That's the kind of stuff that happens to me all of the time!" He chuckled, cuz he knows it is true. Anyway, this morning, since it was Valentine's Day, I decided to pan fry in butter some of those nice litttle crappie filets that Frank brought home from ice fishing yesterday. His friend Duane occasionally sends me a baggie of spices that I mix with cracker crumbs. It is called Everglades seasoning or something like that. This morning for an extra treat, I decided to use buttermilk pancake mix dry with the seasoning stuff just to coat those nice little filets. Okay, so I fried up a whole batch of those and I had a few myself. As we sat down to eat them, I asked Frank if they tasted sweet to him. He said, "Hmmm do you taste orange?" I said, "Well maybe, but maybe that is just the buttermilk in the pancake mix." We continued to eat, and I continued to wonder. "Does this taste like when Duane cooks them?" I asked. "He deep fries his in canola oil", was Frank's kind reply. After we finished our fish, I went and got the seasoning bag still musing, "This is Duane's seasoning stuff isn't it?" I stuck my finger in and tasted it. Orange and sugar!! Does anyone remember giving me some Russian tea seasoning at any point??? I think I made fish rolled in Russian tea seasoning for breakfast!! It was kinda weird, but not too bad, actually.

I just saw a headline somewhere, "How to Maintain Portion Control". It made me wonder what novel ideas anyone could come up with to help a person keep track of the size of portions she was consuming. Then as weirdly as my mind works, I started thinking of novel ways to do just that. The first idea that came to me - before you sit down to eat, get a strong pair of reading glasses, put them on. Your portions will suddenly take on gargantuan proportions. And to help matters - when you try to eat your food, the big magnifiers will make it difficult for you to actually find your mouth. In the middle of all of that, you will find a distinct case of nausea creeping in on you, and you won't feel like eating anyway. So there it is, probably the most innovative idea for portion control that you will find on the internet or on your local bookshelf. Don't say I didn't try to help!

Okay the time has come for me to make some New Years Resolutions and stick to them!! This year is it kiddies. Actual bona fide New Years resolutions that I am gonna make and stick to. So without further yappage, here they are:

1. I am going to pursue my writing with a vengeance this year. I am going to use my famous almost ex-daughter in law Diablo Cody as inspiration to do that. She has accomplished some pretty great things pursuing her writing career with her successes with Candy Girl and Juno. It has been so much fun seeing her accomplish just what she set out to do with all of that.

I am sad that she and Jon aren't going to make it together in the future, but it is cool that they are able to remain friends, and I wish her nothing but the best. I'm sure she doesn't need that from me, but it is there for her anyway.

I am almost not sure if I should call DC my daughter in law or birth daughter in law. Jonny calls me his birthmom, cuz that is what I am. I am kinda the Juno in the story who gave my baby son up for adoption and stuck to it, even when I wanted to rush back and take him home with me - time after time during the whole process. Even when he was a year old - two years old I considered going back and fighting the adoption.. There were some irregularities that I discovered in the whole process, that would have enabled me to do just that. I decided against it though - decided not to break the hearts of the mom and dad who were raising him and cherishing him. I don't regret my restraint, although I spent lots of years yearning for the son I birthed but never got to hold or see.

It is such a gift to me now to have him in my life. My brown eyed son - tender, gentle, handsome, intelligent, talented. He calls me Birthmom. I call him son. It is hard for him to have two moms - I understand that. He is getting used to it. It is no stretch at all for me to have two sons. He had a spot in my heart from the moment he was conceived. The spot that was a bit of a hole, is now filled. I am complete.

OK, back to the resolutions:

2. Get healthy so I can be around for a long time to enjoy my kids and grandkids. That involves a fitness program and getting a good physicial exam with all of the tests that are age appropriate for me. I have neglected to do that for a few years. Here I am married to a doctor and I never seek medical care - like the shoemaker's family who has no shoes, I guess. My own fault though. Along with that, some badly needed dental work. Ouch!! It is sure to be a bit of a tension filled, painful new year, but in the end I will be better off, right?

3. Finally take and pass the darned bar exam!!! I graduated from law school in 1988, and I have never practiced law. I have taken tons of training in various aspects of the law including Intellectual Property and Mediation. Now I am finally going to get admitted to the State Bar Association. It is time. I might need my legal career as a fall back position, in our plans for multiple streams of income.

4. Laugh more.

5. Worry less.

6. Clean out my cluttered, over-filled closets once and for all. Get rid of the size 14's and the size 20's. The 14's are out of style and the 20's have always been too big. Stack the 18's up too, cuz they are already a little too big. Focus on those 16's, which fit, but are a tad tight. Get into those first and work my way down in size to an eventual size 10. I will be happy there. I promise. I used to be a perfect size 7. Now I will feel perfect in size 10. I can and will do it!!

So that is it, my resolutions for this year. I am determined to do them, and when I get determined, shit happens!! I'll keep you all posted on my progress this year, but it's gonna be a good one. I can feel it!!

OK, so today is my 58th birthday. All of a sudden I am staring 60 right in the eye, and I am uncomfortably close to 65, the traditional age of retirment. I don't even want to think about that right now, because it would bring on a panic attack if I have to think of the piles of money we have NOT put away for retirement as of yet. Face it, something really big and really wonderful has to happen in my life in the next few years that will bring me heaps of money. I have all the faith in the world that that will happen. No, I mean this. I truly do believe something really wonderful is on the horizon and it will bring me the financial security that we will need to secure a comfortable future for us and a good inheritance for the kids. I figure that will take about oh, $5,000,000. That way we can live on the interest and leave the rest for all of the progeny.

So, enough stressing about all of that. Now on to fun thoughts. What things have I not done that I still want to accomplish in my life? I would love to publish some of my writing in the next few years. I have some things started, some things done, and some ideas to develop. I would love to travel to England, Italy, Turkey, Scotland, and Hawaii. I would like to spend at least a month in each of those places. I would love to pick up the violin and learn to play it all over again and also the mandolin that is in my closet - just waiting for me. I would love to dance with John Travolta - just once or maybe once for a long period of time. I just wanna dance with him, okay? And most of all, I would love to find a cure for SMA (Spinal Muscular Atrophy) the disease that plagues my grandson Cole. If I could do that, I will forfeit all of the above mentioned items.

I have had a great day - a few notes from my lifetime friends, and my thoughtful family. My hubby is taking me to Florida for a week to do Disney our way - without anyone else along. What more could a girl ask for? Not much, I think.

God, the unspeakable happened a couple of weeks ago, and I am just now able to talk about it. Lucy, one of our sweet little schnauzers ran away for the first time in her life and horror of horrors got hit by a car! She was six years old, more than a little hyper and filled with the joy of a puppy. We both studiously protected and cared for her all of her six years and kept her from her own wild impulses as much as we could manage. There was never a day when we went to put her on her leash, when we didn't encounter a complete wrestling match. She was always a writhing mass of energy, but she was also sweet and good natured.
I held her in my lap when she was just a pup and she learned to cuddle and relax there. She did that always - every chance she got. She wasn't a messy, smelly dog and she had the perkiest, floppiest ears you could ever imagine on a dog whose ears were supposed to be cropped at birth. She was just gorgeous, a perfect schnauzer specimen. Now there is only Maddie left. Maddie who is getting more spoiled by the day. She used to be the follower, now she is trying to take over as alpha. The once docile timid little girl is trying her wings. I don't think there will be a new puppy to fill the gap that Lucy left. I don't think either of us is up for the heartbreak that would bring if we saw another fragile little dog life snuffed out in an instant. It is just too hard for Frank especially. I have never thought myself to be a dog person, but I'll surely miss Lucy!!

I suddenly find myself in a very good mood. I didn't start out that way today, by any means. But looking back on the past few weeks is making me feel very satisfied at the moment. First of all, I have finally managed to settle a state tax audit that has been going on and on for 19 months now. The state department of revenue just arbitrarily decided to assess my husband and myself additional taxes to the tune of almost $80K and I basically had to work like hell to get it whittled down to about 1/4 of that. Mind you, every deduction we took was legal and above board, but when they decide to disallow them JUST BECAUSE, it is up to you to convince them that those deductions were real and allowable according to the law. Even when you do that to the best of your abilities, they still stick to their initial decision giving you small concessions along the way. This whole process has taken about as long as it takes an elephant to conceive and deliver a baby, and it felt just the same to me - like giving birth to a baby elephant. In the end, we could have paid an attorney the same amount to go to tax court to fight the thing, as we ended up settling for. It just sux!! Once they get you on the hook, you're gonna pay something Buster!!
The second thing I feel good about is that my husband and I survived a week at Disney World in the middle of July with two teenagers and neither one of us succumbed to heat stroke. Thank goodness the two of them were old enough to be able to run around on their own quite a bit, or we would never had made it. They stayed out later than us, and started out earlier, but when we were out there trudging through the parks, it felt just like my dad described boot camp to be in the late '40's - Africa hot and dehydrating! One night I woke up with a heart beating faster than I could count. I knew I hadn't had enough fluid the day before and I was even having nightmares. I quickly downed about two quarts of water and began to feel better. In fact I felt good enough to get right back out there and do it again by evening. It is amazing how much you appreciate every cloud and every little breeze when you are in that kind of heat. If we weren't such softies, maybe we could turn our granddaughter down when she bats those long eyelashes at us and asks us to take her and her boyfriend down to Disney World, but we can't - so we have to do the next best thing - hydrate!!

Wax on - Wax off. I have been painting this week and since our new clinic is located in the center of a Wellness Center there is some very meditative music playing in the background and we are very quiet, because there are massages going on down the hall. I feel like the guy in the movie The Karate Kid when Mr. Miyagi has him waxing the fence. It is quiet and it is just me and the paint brush and the soft music. It has really felt good to do something very physical this past few days. I am going to be disappointed when I finish and can't do that level of activity every day. Although I do have a very large townhouse that needs paint everywhere, so there is a chance if I can find time, I can paint that too! There is something so satisfying about a job well done, and painting gives that satisfaction.
The clinic is coming along very well. I am working to decorate it in a Feng Shui manner to accentuate the natural healing and acupuncture that will be going on there. I am hoping that both Frank and I will enjoy this new venture. We generally work well together, but we are both very strong willed people, so there are those moments of silent heated arguments behind closed doors when we come to an impasse. If anyone could see behind those doors, they would see two people with bulging eyes and pantomime moves that look like a cross between Harpo Marx and The Three Stooges (except it is usually me that does the eye poking - just kidding!). We usually manage to get our differences mediated and the solution is usually something better than either of us could have thought of on our own, so it is all good.

I'm heading to Tucson for a week - accompanying my husband Frank as he starts his fellowship in Integrative Medicine with Dr. Andrew Weil. I am very excited for him. This is a whole new direction he is taking in his medical career. He just finished a course in Medical Acupuncture. I have actually taken a few treatments from him and I am totally afraid of needles. I have to say, it didn't hurt and the pain went away in my neck and upper back as a result. I had to be one of his worst patients. I kept shrieking "Don't puncture my lungs!" and "Don't hit my spinal cord!". I could tell he was chuckling to himself as he reassured me that he wouldn't be going anywhere near that deep, and the needles weren't that long. I have to say those needles are so thin, I didn't feel much at all when they went in, and after they were in, I didn't feel them at all. He hooked little boxes powered by batteries to the needles and I felt a little bit of thumping in my muscles. Again, nothing uncomfortable.

When he finished the neck and upper back treatment, I sat up to switch positions for a kidney tonification that he wanted to do to increase my overall energy level. I wasn't sold on getting another whole treatment, but I am really glad I did. I felt an overall increase in energy and feelings of well being for weeks after that. I am actually going to take one of those again soon.

I don't know if I can completely credit the acupuncture, but for the first time in my life I have gotten a regular exercise program going and am losing weight that I have been struggling to lose for years. Maybe it is because I feel a lot better and the muscles don't ache. Whatever has brought me to this point, I am rejoicing.

Tucson isn't as warm as I would wish right now, but I am going to enjoy 60 something compared to 20 something. And when we get back, we are home for a few days and then off to Disney World for a week. Most of the kids and grandkids are coming. It will be a blast, no doubt about it. I'm a little sad that my birthson Jon, his wife Brook, and daughter (my adorable granddaughter) Nadija can't come this time. They are just going to start shooting Brook's movie Juno, and I am so excited for both of them. These are exciting times in their lives. Disney World can wait. We'll do it sometime soon. In the meantime, these are very good times for all of us.

Sometimes the best of intentions and the highest of hopes can't work together to produce a merry little Christmas, no matter how hard everyone tries. In the case of our family, the larger the group, the more chance something crappy is going to happen to set everyone a-tizzy. This year, my sister and I spent hundreds of dollars on food, hours and hours on cleaning and preparing and planning to have it all turn to a quivering mass of neurosis and insecurity. It is like a chain reaction in this family. When something happens to set one person off, it causes a ripple effect that goes through each and every one of us and brings every unattractive personality trait in each person directly to the surface. Night one started out as planned - everyone was enjoying and chatting and feeling the anticipation of good times to come. Then it happened - one person stated an opinion, the second person dissed the first person and we were all off and running. Some tried to defuse it, but you can't defuse a bomb that has already gone off. Over the next several hours, one family retreated to safer ground for the evening, and the next night an entire branch of the family tree decided not to attend. In the midst of all of this were many secret meetings and discussions, and all manner of analysis. In the end, despite all of our best efforts, everyone left the holiday celebration feeling a little screwed and a lot relieved that this Christmas is now history. Next year, I am seriously contemplating a trip to Hawaii!

I've been thinking about nursing homes lately. Then today I saw a commercial with Dennis Hopper telling us that when we are senior citizens things are going to be very different and that he doesn't see us baby boomers going to Bingo Night. I agree totally with that! I think by the time we baby boomers hit old age in record numbers, we will have a whole different gig going on. I predict we will be setting up communes with of course some medical staff coming in to take care of those kinds of concerns. A commune would have lots of advantages. We could all live together under one roof, pool our resources, and finally start living life with the goal of enjoying more and worrying less. I can just see us doing our part to keep the place running smoothly, gardening, writing music, poetry, books, listening to some good music on the sound system, sewing, cooking and enjoying good food, and engaging in as much fun as we are physically capable of.

As we have gotten older, we've longed for those carefree days. (I wasn't all that carefree, since I decided to get married and start a family at a young age). For me it will be my first chance at really being carefree, and going for the gusto in life. We could probably take some of the nursing homes now in existence and re-do them. Make them actually pleasant, and get some fun going on there. Friday night concerts would be good - or maybe an ongoing Karaoke bar right on the premises, and coffee houses with beat poetry being read. Fun, all of the time. No news shows on the television set - just re-runs of all of our favorite TV shows. Of course we would have the freedom to tune into the reality of life, but I doubt we would. We can for real drop out and turn on.

No horrible nursing home meals for us, no activity director - just good food cooked by the current residents, lots of Motown coming through the speakers - and an after-dinner glass of wine, just to make the night go a little better. Maybe we could even bus on over to some baby boomer version of Woodstock a couple of times a year. Dylan will still be there reinventing himself. And Mick Jagger will still be able to strut across the stage and he'll still be hot. We definitely have to get busy and get this stuff changed around before we get to that point. Who knows, maybe in the near future, we'll figure out how to live to be 150. We're getting there!

Chuck E. Cheese rocks! At least that is what my little grandson Cole thinks. We went there today, along with my sister - Auntie Jackie. First we all had to have our hands stamped with the same number, so that if by some fluke of nature one of the giant tv sets that are anchored to the ceiling should fall on both of us at the same time, no one could take advantage of that to sneak away with our little darling boy. When you leave you have to show that your number matches his, or it's no-go. You don't get past that little girl who is standing security at the door. Never mind she doesn't understand a word of English, she still would be a formidable obstacle I am sure, if she needed to be.

The pizza wasn't bad, the dinner entertainment, which consisted of a very large gray mouse looming over us, as music videos played on all of the monitors could have been better. They could have had that big mouse actually doing something, which would have been at least a little bit interesting. I remember the old Show Biz Pizza from when my kids were young, and in those days there were three stages filled with animatronic creatures of all kinds. There was music, there was comedy, and just great all around entertainment for the kids and their parents too. My kids loved it.

Little Cole however, doesn't know about Show Biz pizza, so he thought Chuck E. Cheese was just great, boring big gray mouse and all. He loved putting his coins in the machines and playing the little games - each one different, but surprisingly odd and hard to do for a little guy. Never mind! He did what he could do, and the tickets came out anyway. The Skee balls were way too heavy for him, and even though he gave it his best shot the darned things just kept rolling backwards and on to the floor - almost nailing a toe or two in the process. Grandma and Auntie Jackie had to help them along alittle.

The pizza wasn't bad - for us, a combination of Canadian Bacon and black olives. Cole loves him some black olives. The crust was pretty good - just a little sweetness - for a kid's tastes. And in the end we had around 60 tickets! Enough to get one of those little rainbow colored styrofoam airplanes that Grandma almost ruined in the process of constructing it. All of that fun and merriment for the low price of $$$. A good day for Cole though and that is what counts in the end, to this Grandma and the much loved Auntie Jackie.

Nanny Deb is full of crap. If anyone has watched that popular television show lately, it would seem that if you are having any kind of trouble at all in dealing with a child, Nanny Deb will show you the way. Well, I tried about a dozen of her techniques today, and I beg to differ!!

My grandson has been spending a few days with me over the weekend, and we mostly do pretty well together. However today he was having a particularly active day, and Grandma wasn't getting going quickly enough to TARGET, his favorite place in his world - except for Disney World. He decided to spend the time while he was waiting for me raising as much hell as he possibly could in an effort to nudge the old girl along.

I usually don't get too much into the discipline end of his upbringing, because after all I am the Fairy Grandmother! Today though, I felt an obligation to set him in the "naughty spot" since his behavior was bordering on naughty. Now, I hasten to add naughty for him is nowhere near naughty for a lot of other four year olds, but as I said, I felt a bit of a responsibility to remind him that naughty wasn't going to get Grandma going any faster.

I sat him down on the naughty spot aka the bottom step, and he proceeded to turn into a jelly fish and quickly slither to the floor. I picked him up, set him down again, and reminded him that he was going to sit on the naughty spot for four minutes (one minute for every year of age). Slither and slide this time. After some quick thought, I decided to sit down directly in front of the little darling, and meet him eye to eye. Now there is the rub. When this boy does not want to look at you, he will not look at you. Those eyes that look absolutely adorable in any picture you see of him, went from left to right, up, down, around, and lots of directions I didn't even know eyes could move, but no way did they meet my eyes. I took his chin and said, "Look at me when I am talking to you." Nope no way Grandma. He looked nonchalant, staring upward as if his chubby little Grandma didn't even exist in his universe.

Time for the big guns. I took his little hands in mine, and held them in his lap, as I placed my hand on his chest. I spoke intently, kindly, succinctly, and with a great deal of authority as I gave him my best speech about how "Grandma has to tell you things sometimes to keep you safe, and it is very important for you to do what Grandma says at these times." Still no eye contact and the upward eye roll, following by a flick to the side. "Do you understand Grandma?" No response. Now this child is a normal kid, with all kinds of normal emotions, but man when he wants to stonewall you, and I have been stonewalled by a few, I can honestly say no one does it better than him. I'd like to see old Nanny Deb crack this one!!

Dog Joy. Have you noticed that dogs have a certain innocence and loyalty that you just can't find in the human world? They will take whatever you have to give them at the moment - a scrap from the table or an ear scratch, or even a reprimand, because it means you are paying some kind of attention. They will sit at your feet for hours while you work - completely content to be in your company. Good friends, these dogs of mine, but I'm not typically an animal person. I am more than a little self absorbed, and usually the only people that can supplant my own needs are my husband, my kids and my grandkids - not necessarily in that order. There are downsides to dog ownership however. For instance when I am eating, they both sit at my feet and watch every damn bite that goes into my mouth. If I should drop a crumb, they both scramble to retrieve it like a school of piranha after an unsuspecting frog. And, when I accidentally drop my hand to the seat of my chair while at the computer, one of them is there to lick it! I am a certifiable germophobe and dog slime does not make me happy, especially on my hands. I completely understand Lucy in the Peanuts comic strip when she screams "Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!" And on the subject of icky, I really hate having to go outside with them and wait for each of them to finally decide to poop! Not only do I have to stand there and witness the poop coming out of them - something I would never choose to do - but I have to bend down and scoop it up in a plastic bag and carry it all the way home to dispose of in my handy dandy Diaper Genie in the garage. I don't like smells, and I don't like disgusting sights like that, and YUCK! There I am picking up dog poop! And why do they have to poop so damned much? It is a good thing they are so cute. Their little perky schnauzer ears and spunky little bodies almost make up for the downside, especially when I am sad and they know it, and they just come and sit beside me just to let me know they care. AWWWW! Maybe I am a dog person after all.

Today is Jon's birthday. It has been 5 months since we found each other, and the time has gone very quickly. I was so excited all day yesterday to know for the first time since he has been born, I get to be at his birthday party. Every other year, his birthday has been a day of quiet reflection for me, when I spent the time wondering where he might be, and constructing scenarios in my mind about what he might be doing, where he might be, what he might look like, and all the time the nagging doubt in my mind that he might not be alright at all, because at the time of his birth, I was overcome with anxiety about his well-being. Now I know...that he is a wonderful guy, talented, witty, intellegent, good looking and most of all kind and caring. He is everything I could have ever dreamed he was, and more. And Nadija and Brook are all a part of this wonderful new chapter in our lives. It is all good, and more than adequate compensation for all the years of sadness that used to surround his birthday. October is once again a month of possibility for me. It used to be that way when I was a child. October was always an exciting time, since my birthday and my two sisters' birthdays fall in October and fall - the best season of the year was in full swing. When Jon was born and I had to give him up for adoption, October became a bitter sweet month for me. Now, it is once again a month of pure joy and unending possibility.

When I was roughing it the north woods of Minnesota this past week, I saw something that made my heart sing. Although I was hating the rustic cabin with its lack of air conditioning and plotting my escape, I decided to go out and sit in the screened sun porch to watch the fireworks over the lake. As I was waiting for the darkness to descend, I spotted something that got me as excited as I have been in a long time. Fireflies!! Precious little fireflies darting all over in my field of vision. One of them even came close to the screen to blink a special hello just to me. I haven't seen fireflies in decades. I had thought maybe they were extinct or something as a result of our toxic lifestyle. There were only a few, but they were there and seeing them brought me back to the days when I was a little girl waiting outside my grandmother's house on the 4th of July for the annual fireworks show at Roosevelt Park just across the street from where she lived.

We usually had a 4th of July picnic at the state park nearby and ended the day at Grandma's house She would have a smudge pot going to detract mosquitoes and we would run in and out of her house snacking on watermelon and just generally being kids. She was always very tolerant of kids, and we could do pretty much as we pleased at her house. When we were in trouble she would usher us to a big wooden closet with her fur coats hanging inside. It was fun to climb in there and hide from Dad while she worked her magic - calming him down for our eventual return to civilization and his inevitable disciplinary action.

Those miraculous little fireflies made an otherwise dull evening something special for me. Even if I didn't have air conditioning!!

Things seem to be going well in the reunion with my birth son. He is such a joy in my life. I find myself to be a bit obsessed with catching up with him and learning all I can about him. There should be a time when something like this happens when the two people most affected would be able to get away together to a place of comfort and quiet, so they can talk for hours and just enjoy each other's company.

I find myself looking at his pictures several times a week, and then just pinching myself when I realize that I finally know who he is, where he lives, and all sorts of details about him. I have heard his music (which I absolutely love) and I have read his writing. We both have a love for the written word which makes communication back and forth absolutely spectacular.

We have had one get-together at this point when we invited members of my family to come and meet him. It was a potluck. We all made something to share, and the food was so good! The party was easy-going and everyone seemed to have a great time. The absolute best part of the day was finally meeting Nadija, my granddaughter. She is a beautiful brown-eyed girl, with long dark brown hair. She was in my dreams as the absolute perfection that she is, before I ever met her. I always told my daughter Charisse that I wished to have a brown eyed grandchild. I told her that in jest, but in my heart, I have always wished to gaze into those brown eyes, and now I have. People tell me she looks very much like I did as a child, and let me tell you that warms my heart too. I feel so related to both Jon and Nadija, just naturally. It is a feeling that comes from a soul level. I am now truly complete, and it is a marvelous feeling!